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Karen's Story
I had a different kind of childhood; it wasn’t bad, but it was painful. Two weeks before my 10th birthday, the person I was closest to in the world – my father – had a massive stroke. In a matter of seconds, he went from being a sharp, strong and boisterous man to not being able to verbally express himself, walk without support or do much independently ever again. It lead my mother to become his caretaker, which left very little space for me to remain a child. My father spent the next 25 years fighting for his quality of life, while my mother and I each quietly battled how to navigate this new path. Our lives were changed forever.
I grew up watching my dad struggle and while there was plenty of love and support in my nuclear and expended family, I missed out on many important father-daughter moments. My dad was known for his generosity, his insights and deep values and I often daydreamed about conversations with my dad where he would share his wisdom, give me advice and even get upset at me for typical teenage things like getting a bad grade. While I wasn’t aware of it at the time, these missed moments, coupled with very little support for my mental or emotional needs impacted my development in those formative years, leaving me feeling alone in a quiet house where I ended up building a thick wall of armor around me for protection.
This, alongside training at an intensive program in ballet and contemporary dance, opened me up to more insecurities and unhealthy habits.
I further reinforced my hard exterior with a dark perspective and a great deal of sarcasm to just get through my days and survive. Friends would warn others not to dare hug me and I developed a reputation for being aloof and unapproachable. It took years of an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, depression (including plans of suicide) and anxiety before I realized I needed help and started on my healing journey.
At first, I didn’t know how I was going to get out of my dark place but I knew I had to. There was a 'whisper' deep within that kept telling me this wasn't going to be the way I lived my life... So, in my early-20’s I got myself into therapy and a yoga class. The therapy was to help pull me out of the darkness and the yoga was to help heal my body from over 20 years of dance injuries. But very quickly, I realized that the alchemy of the sacred teachings was taking over. Beyond simply showing up to the mat, I started to feel pyscho-emotional, physical and spiritual healing.
The practice became a necessary part of my day, and when the timing was right, I was able to start my deeper studies that have never ended. These sacred teachings in Yoga, Āyurveda, Vedic Scripture, Energy Healing, in addition to modern approaches like Somatics and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy have all helped me to heal. They helped to bring consciousness to thoughts, emotions, behaviors, beliefs that no longer serve me, as well as a greater connection to my whole being (mind-body-energetic-spiritual). This has all lead to healing my body, gut, mind, traumas, undo destructive/old patterns and regulate my nervous system. And more profoundly, these sacred teachings have grounded me to rituals in daily life that have created a deeper connection and meaning to life. These sacred practices have helped me to heal my depression and anxiety, while gaining a new perspective and ultimately re-connecting me to my True Self -- where I now show up to life from a place of love, presence and openness.
I have come a long way from the teenage girl dressed in all black not allowing anyone to get close to her. I now see the world through a much brighter lens; I enjoy connecting with people and nature, I have a committed practice of devotion, I continue to study from my teachers and take time to live deeply. It’s not all roses and sunshine but now, because of the sacred teachings, I have access to apart of me that can witness myself and the experiences of life and help me get through the not-so-good days.
I wanted to share my personal story because I know each of us has our own, and these experiences shape us... but they do not define us. We are all experiencing this thing called life and sometimes it can feel so overwhelming we can’t imagine making it through the battle. But with the right supports, knowledge, information and practices, we can come out on the other side with a greater appreciation for it all.I wanted to share my personal story because I know each of us has our own, and these experiences shape us... but they do not define us. We are all experiencing this thing called life and sometimes it can feel so overwhelming we can’t imagine making it through the battle. But with the right supports, knowledge, information and practices, we can come out on the other side with a greater appreciation for it all.
I experienced the power of these sacred teachings first hand and what has followed has been an unexpected and ongoing journey of healing – a journey that motivated me to share in the philosophies and sacred practices of Yoga, Āyurveda, Energy Healing and Vedic Counseling, to help others find balance, meaning and ultimately return home to their Self.
